Don't let your past determine your future

First of all I have not had the drive, the motivation, the determination to write in a long time. Every week has been a battle, falling in and out of a depressive state can be very challenging. It is crazy to think how one day everything seems to be going well, you feel like you have a sense of direction and all of a sudden you just feel stuck demotivated and not sure that everything you worked so hard for would be worth it. Believe me when I say I've had writers block for a month but I doing whatever I can to really fight back against the forces of depressions, anxiety and negative thoughts. Each day is a battle but I know I have God on my side, I have a great mentor keeping me motivated and I am surrounded by all the right people in my life. Sometimes when your going through a rough patch no one ever really notices, we do so well to hide the things we go through and tend to stay in the dark places alone thinking that no one would understand but these are all lies. God knows exactly what we are going through and he sends us helpers, whether it be friends, family, colleagues or sometimes through social media. 

This week I decided to write again, I decided to fight back and not give up on myself and on my purpose. I have been out for a long time wondering what I was going to write. When your in a dark places it is so hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel but I promise you when you really push yourself there is always going to be a way out. I recently started my physiotherapy for my long-term knee injury, it has been one of the most painful recoveries I've ever had to endure. Not only does it impact me physically emotionally but it takes a massive toll on my mental health. For many years I never believed this pain could go away, I have been living with this pain since I was 16 and for the first time i have been given the correct diagnosis and I have been working closely with my physiotherapist and I can say that the pain has reduced significantly. I remember telling him that I have lived with this pain for so long that I don't believe him when he says I am going to be able to live without pain in my knee. He explained to me that at this stage I cannot run nor can I jump that this will irritate my knee. He said in order for me to get better it would require me to be disciplined and really be hard on myself. Funny enough all my life I have struggled with discipline and I still do but I know that God exposed me to this treatment to work on myself as a whole and its fascinating what I have learnt about myself so far. 

This does not only relate to my journey but to many of our journeys. We cannot allow our past to determine our futures. Despite our past traumas, negative experiences, setbacks and betrayals I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We always have a choice, we can either sit down and allow negativity to consume us or we can choice to get up everyday and fight for our lives by saying no the depression, anxiety and negative thoughts. The is power is speaking out, never forget this!

Thanks for reading 



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