Relationships & Restoration

First of all I have to say this is the topic I've been trying to avoid for a very long time. This is an area in my life that makes me quite vulnerable but here I am sharing this with my readers to show you how much God loves us all and how far he will go to fight for you. 

To give you the full concept, I have to take you back to my childhood! The very first relationship I was exposed to was my parents relationship. This was not a healthy relationship, it took me a very long time to grasp the reality of how bad things really were. My parents divorced when I was roughly around 9 or 10 I don't have the exact time stamps. At the time I felt like this was the best thing ever, I was so used to seeing them argue, every single day and I wanted it to stop. During this time in my life affection was nonexistent so most of the time I just felt isolated and having to navigate my emotions alone. Despite this I do believe they were great parents, they tried the best they can! One thing I can say is that my dad taught me how to be respectful and my mum taught me how to be strong. One lesson I wished I learnt was how to love. For the most part I did think I knew what love was until God really showed me what love really is, love is; "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Love is also "loving your neighbour as you would love yourself" Mark 12:31. This verse right hear really highlighted something big to me, it highlighted that I actually didn't really know how to love because I didn't know how to love myself. My love was needed to be validated by someone else rather than myself. I need to believe I was good enough and putting that in something else's hand is a recipe for disaster. Don't get me wrong though I knew I had some elements of love, I was respectful, caring, patient, and I never gave up but those are just some aspects of what love really is. 

Another thing that God highlighted to me was that he was never really the focal point of my relationships (SMH) even looking back if I could go back and knock my head to snap out of my thoughts I would do it a hundred times lol. God needs to be the foundation in everything you do, without him in the centre things can easily crumble. I tried to do things on my own, and it really broke me down and rather than taking accountability, I focused on the hurt. God calls us to lean not on our own understanding but to trust him with all our hearts "Proverbs 3:5-6", however, I did the opposite in my relationships I was leaning on my own understanding and what exactly did I understand. I literally saw my dad hold onto his relationship with my mum and my mum wanting nothing to do with it. They were both great people but they were not meant for each other. So what do you think I did haha? I emulated the same thing I would hold onto relationships that weren't for me and be left broken by them. 

Rejection as redirection

My last relationship was a really difficult one to heal from, it had taken me a couple of years to get over it but I finally made it through and really grateful to God. I didn't run to things to make me feel good again but I rather faced my battle head on, I was tired of doing things my way. I remember after months of trying to understand what happened I asked God why does this keep on happening to me, why do I keep on getting rejected, I felt sorry for myself, nothing made sense to me anymore! Then one day the Holy Spirit gave me advice that changed my life forever! Rather than pointing at someone else look at yourself first! I was like "Jesus", when I now looked at myself I acknowledged once again that I didn't know what it meant to love myself and that I was putting my happiness in the hands of others! I remember thinking God have your way, take the wheel. My understanding about what happened to me started to shift, my perspective changed when I released everything to him. The first step was going to therapy, next I started watching things to educate myself and then I returned to church, became a mental health coach and started working on my blog even more and the list goes on.  Since then I haven't looked back, God has since put amazing people in my life that have supported me throughout this process. I now feel free and I am learning every single day to embrace my singleness which hasn't been easy at all! After listening to Steven Furticks video on YouTube ("God, Why Did They Reject Me?) my perspective changed, he said something along the lines of "rejection is redirection". Sometimes we view rejection as a negative thing, we start feeling like something is wrong with us, majority of the time you being rejected has nothing to do with you but rather something to do with the person/people who have rejected you (Steven Furtick). Rejection is for your own good, it helps you stay on track. I know it is easier said than done especially if you are familiar with rejection, but just know that God is with you, trust that he knows what is best for you and do not lean on your own understanding. God views you way better than you view yourself. It is crazy to think that sometimes your enemy knows your potential more than you, a quote by "Steven Furtick" meaning the enemy knows how high God sees you, he know how valuable you are and what you are capable of achieving when you are at your best. What the enemy does is plays on the things that make you vulnerable, things that remind you of your past mistakes, setbacks, rejection and insecurities but God directs you to peace, love, kindness, healing, growth, freedom, joy, happiness and the list goes on. Allow God to renew your mind, Ask him to help you let go of how you used to view yourself, ask him to help you let go of the things that do not produce fruit in your life and things that make you feel you are not good enough. Most importantly be comfortable in your brokenness, allow God to help you navigate through it, surrender your pain to him and watch him set you free, I've seen it first hand, it wasn't easy but it restored me. He will show you the areas where you lacked knowledge and he will begin to change your  perspective of your past, present and future.  

I hope you enjoyed this blog and thank you for taking time out of your day to read. Please share with others and I pray God has an impact in your life after reading this. 

Prayer of Salvation:

If you have never done the prayer of salvation, here it is "Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins and surrender my life. Wash me clean. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. That he died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day for my Victory, I believe that in my heart and make confessions with my mouth, that Jesus is my saviour and Lord!   

Instagram: @Lekzmotivate